How To Freak Out a Pregnant Woman

Step 1: Schedule her for a regular 24 week appointment. Step 2: Call her into the office and ask her if she has any concerns. Step 3: When she says shes been having shortness of breath, widen your eyes and say, "I wish you had told me sooner, how long has this been going on?" Step 4: Proceed to take her vitals. Allow her to lie on her back and check babys heart rate. When she sits back up and says she feels extremely ill, add to her anxiety by telling her that her pulse is rapid and climbing. Step 5: When she is about to vomit everywhere, frantically look for the emesis basin, resorting to a urine basin. Step 6: While shes vomiting her guts out, have 3 different people come running in the room, and tell them she has no blood pressure. Step 7: Tell her shes going to Labor and Delivery. Step 9: Tell her shes having contractions. Ta da! Well folks thats how to freak out a pregant woman, and that just happens to be exactly how my 24 week appointment went. (So glad Blake was with me). Fortunatly my contractions fizzled out and it turns out i just bottomed out on my blood pressure (which has always been low) when I layed on my back to get measured. I stayed in triage for a few hours and then was sent home. at least im all registered now! lol. Now theres a really good way to help the pregnant woman recover from a freak out like this: Step 1: Give her a gift card for maternity clothes. (: Thanks Blakie.

17 weeks

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